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jueves, 10 de abril de 2008

Chuck Norris








-Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

-When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding.

-Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

-When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he doesn’t get wet water gets Chuck Norris.

-chuck norris decided a deck of cards should have 52. why? BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING CHUCK NORRIS.

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

-Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

-Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-There are no disabled\handicap people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

-Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

-If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

-Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

-If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

-Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

-When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

-Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

-If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris invented water.

-Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

-Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

-Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

-Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.

-Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives.

-The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..

-God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.

-It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop.

- There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris.

-The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris’s nutsack.

-Chuck Norris doesn't believe in god, god believes in Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two”.

-If you have five thousand pesos and Chuck Norris has five thousand pesos, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

-When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

-Chuvk Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.


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